7 Awesomely Stupid DIY World Records
While there are some pretty obscure word records in the old book of Guinness, a Web site called the Universal Record Database takes it to a completely different level by recognising the types of feats of strength, skill, endurance and flat-out idiocy that you could only conceivably stumble into while messing around drunk with your friends.
The database is open and participatory meaning you can set the record in any category you can dream up, leading to categories like “Most Whoopie Cushions Sat on in 30 Seconds Without Smiling or Laughing” and “Most Curly-Haired People in a Photograph” (shown here, just waiting for 17 curly-haired people to oust it from its spot).
We’ve rounded up some of our favourite records from the database, along with the hard evidence of the achievements.
Advice for Over-Achievers with Demetri Martin
If you’re reading Asylum in the middle of the day instead of working then you’re probably an over-achiever, just like us.
If so then you know that a successful life is also a hard life. Constantly winning and leaving your friends in the dust can leave you disorientated, and without focus. In the end, winning at everything can be the greatest defeat at all.
Men Just Can’t Help But Look
We know we shouldn’t, but we just can’t help it. It’s a primal, uncontrollable urge that draws the eye to lady parts. There is nothing we can do to stop it.
Women need to know — it’s like blinking. We do it because our body makes us, and there’s only so long you can fight the urge before it makes us do it again.
To illustrate this natural impulse, we’ve collected images of media-savvy men who should know how to look suave in front of the camera.
Faculty Sex Sculpture Removed From College Art Show
We might have doodled a few lewd portraits of our educators while fighting boredom in high-school classrooms, but one artist in Ohio took it to the next level by creating a sculpture depicting a girl and a teacher in a sex act.
Unamused, the dean removed the piece by artist James Parlin, called “The Middle School Science Teacher Makes a Decision He’ll Live to Regret,” from an exhibit at Bowling Green State University’s Firelands campus. The gallery director then closed the entire exhibit in protest.
Sex With Presidents Makes Politics Fun
It’s easy to see why a woman might be attracted to the President of the United States — the fame, the power, Air Force One. But San Francisco artist Justine Lai has taken it to a whole other level with her “Join or Die” series of paintings, which show her in coitus with the U.S. presidents in order.
Of the project, Lai says, “In Join or Die, I paint myself having sex with the Presidents of the United States in chronological order. I am interested in humanizing and demythologizing the Presidents by addressing their public legacies and private lives.”
Why Archie Chose the Bad Girl Over Betty
It’s a love triangle as old as the hills: Archie can never choose between the sultry, high-maintenance Veronica, and the sweet, bubbly Betty — until now.
Naked Bike Riders Crash Wedding Photo
The year’s World Naked Bike Ride saw nude cyclists on four continents hit the streets to celebrate the human body and protest the negative effects of car transportation. Fortunately for one couple, the Melbourne, Australia, ride coincided with another very special occasion — their wedding day.
Spotted: Hundreds strip for free flights
People strip down for causes all the time, whether it’s for animal rights or the environment. While we appreciate altruistic nudity, it’s invigorating to see some good-old-fashioned selfish stripping, like the kind 999 people did in exchange for two free flights from Ireland’s Aer Lingus.
Breasty Pirate Enrages Priest
Even with all the perks of being a pirate — peg legs, parrots, eye patches, rum — everyone knows the best part of the pirate lifestyle was getting the motion in your ocean on with a lusty pirate wench. So it should come as no surprise that one artist decided to immortalize a wench with a well put together statue with some eye-popping boobs.
Cardboard Homeless Signs – Wit of the Streets
In order to spotlight the humour of those who are so often overlooked, we’ve compiled the funniest signs by homeless gentlemen and ladies into one wild celebration of the wit of the street.
