Fuzzy at the Crease — Greatest Cricket Beards
As this year’s Ashes get underway we are wont to reflect on its history. So many things make cricket the pasttime it is — white trousers, tea, rain delays and those long snakes of empty beer glasses passed around at test matches.
But most of all, it’s the beards.
From W.G. Grace’s iconic full-growth, to Monty Panesar’s recent fan favourite, from the masterful beards of the Indian sub-continent to the designer stubble of Freddie Flintoff, beards make cricket players the fashion icons they are.
Of course while Indian cricket has produced its fair share of facial hair glory, cricket is an international game and great beards have come from every cricketing nation.
As this summer’s cricket gets underway, we celebrate the game’s top 20 facial hair victories.
Out: Caught in the Pants!
There’s about 10 different ways to get out in cricket. Leg before wicket, bowled, caught, run out, stumped, hit wicket, caught and bowled, and so on. But there are also some rather bizarre ways to get out in cricket. You’ve no doubt heard of handling the ball, then there’s that unlucky way where a bowler clips a shot on to the non-striker’s end and the non-striker is run out.
Coleslaw Wrestling: Getting Raw in the Slaw
You may already be familiar with the fact that we simply admire women who mud wrestle. But did you realize that a favorite side dish is just begging to be tussled in?
Oh, yes, picnic fans: In Coleslaw Wrestling, fierce ladies get steeped in cabbage and oil and compete to win $500. The hallowed tradition of Bike Week in Daytona Beach, Florida, inspires half-naked ladies to drop their Harleys in favor of dropping opponents in a bucket of the green stuff.
Question raised: What other obscure substances do people use to get their headlock on? Give us a heads up in the comments, and we’ll investigate.
Shameless Beach Volleyball Photography
It’s funny, the American network NBCOlympics.com’s feature on the hand signals of beach volleyball.
But all is not NBC’s fault.
Part of the blame lies on the pervy photographers who sully professional sporting events with their lascivious photography in the first place.
And as occasional peddlers of gratuitous smut, we are at liberty to collect some of the most egregious examples in one gallery, without even attempting to relate it to anything newsworthy.
Enjoy your openly peddled almost-porn.
Sexy Skirts in Tennis
Why rake up unnecessary controversy about women’s tennis by staking claim that it’s ‘just there to sell sex’. We at Asylum learned to celebrate such events a long time ago, and that has definitely made us happier people!
This time around we would like to acknowledge all the haute stuff the women bring to the court. We highly appreciate the fact that these women are aware that the world is watching them, so they not only need to bring on their game, but get their garb grooving as well.
So give it up for those tennis skirts that rock – we simply cannot take our eyes off them. We guarantee you, they are quite interesting.
Pure Awesomeness – Mexican Wrestlers AND Burlesque Dancers
Though modern day western wrestling has been sexed up to an extent the women themselves have become stars in their own right, Mexican wrestling still remains much within its roots. Known as ‘lucho libre’ or roughly translated to “free fighting,” the sport involves varied techniques and moves that will make you forget the silliness that was Jack Black’s “Nacho Libre“.
But what if you were to mix this awesome form of wrestling with another favourite out here at Asylum — Burlesque dancing? What you get is a bizarre combination of man’s two favourite choices for entertainment — sex and violence.
Shameful Mixtures of Cricket and Sex – A History
Combining cricket and sex is a pointless exercise. It simply never works. IPL cheerleaders, nudes in lad’s mags holding bats and balls, cricket-themed porn sites and Brian Lara Cricket booth babes — all have entered the game of late and all are about as sexy as KP in a thong.
Why? Becuase this is cricket — a game for ugly men in jumpers, a game for long, drawn out boredom spotted with an occasional wicket and a hesitant fielding change. Call us bluff old traditionalists, but we don’t want to see glamour models in cricket pads trying to work out which end to grab the bat.*
A Superficial Analysis of the (Hottest) Women of Wimbledon
Wimbledon champion and BBC commentator Michael Stich recently caused an stir by claiming women’s tennis is “just there to sell sex.”
How dare you, Mr. Stich.
The tight clothing, perspiration, and repeated moans of athletic ecstasy that we’ll be observing on the courts of the All England Club over the next few weeks should be embraced, not ridiculed. Women’s tennis is the finest of all professional female sports, and Wimbledon will undoubtedly capture the imagination of male viewers throughout the world, surpassing interest in the rather underwhelming championships of the LPGA and WNBA. (Our fact-checkers have confirmed that those sports do, in fact, have championships.)
Monaco GP in 1929 was Still Too Fast For You
This year’s Formula One race in Monaco marked 70 years since the first Grand Prix raced around the tiny streets of that seaside town.
For all the changes that have occurred over the decades, however, some things about Monaco will never die: there will always be yachts you can’t afford in the harbour, women you can’t talk to drinking cocktails you can’t pronounce, and — most importantly — the lunatics driving the cars will always much much braver than you.
Take a look at this old newsreel of the first Monaco GP to see what we mean. For they may have been driving unreliable death machines, and there may have been idiots standing right on the pavement watching them blast by, but the heroes of 1929 would probably still beat your fastest lap in your little Renault Clio.
Have Cheerleaders Finally Revealed Too Much?
If you’re paying attention to the trends in women’s sports kit, you might think there’s a global shortage of cloth. And when it comes to cheerleaders, one could hope this is about to take off as much as possible.
Try telling that to the University of Idaho American football cheerleaders. After fans complained about the girls’ skimpy new look, the squad added inches back to the revealing halter top and miniskirt combo.
Before you start complaining about staid Idahoans, it seems the issue wasn’t just prudishness. “Girls are just bigger these days,” said Shelly Robson, the Idaho Vandals’ spirit squad adviser. She further sized up the scandal by observing, “Not everybody’s a size zero.”
